When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
