you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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