on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
