I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
