who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
