Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
