He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
