What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
