I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
