Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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