The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
