I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
