Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
