Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
