I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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