I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm always down for nudity.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
