i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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