I feel great
I just peed on a car
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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