I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
