Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
