Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
