you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
