I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
