let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
