apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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