oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
