thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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