OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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