I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
