There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
