You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
