Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
