Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
