You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
