it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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