I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
