My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All the doctor said was why
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
