even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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