sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
