I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
