I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Two words: blizzard sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
