he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
