Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
