They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
