my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Enjoy the penises
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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