if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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