did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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