super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Found your dick twin last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
