her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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