It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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