ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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